MediaWiki
The UwU Tale of MediaWiki (aka: why it hates you but also loves you… kinda 💔✨)[edit]
Once upon a time, in the chaotic wilds of the early internet 🌐, some brave nerds said:
“what if everyone could edit everything?? :3”
And thus, MediaWiki was born ✨🐣✨
It grew up to power Wikipedia, the big brain encyclopedia where millions of humans argue politely about commas and history 🧠📚
And then… it met you.
🌸 Chapter 1: You, an innocent little user uwu[edit]
You arrive like:
hewwo!! i just wanna make a cute template 🥺👉👈
MediaWiki looks at you.
MediaWiki blinks.
MediaWiki hands you:
{{{like this}}}🌀[[like this]]📦{{#if:what:is:this}}❓- Lua modules written in ancient wizard language 🔮
and says:
good luck 💖
🌧️ Chapter 2: The First Error Message[edit]
You try something simple.
It explodes.
Error 1
No explanation. No hint. Just vibes.
You sit there like 😐
MediaWiki sits there like 😌
The universe continues spinning.
💖 Chapter 3: Why it’s like this (spoiler: not for you, bestie)[edit]
MediaWiki wasn’t made to be cute and friendly like your favorite comfy game 🎮🌸
It was made to survive THIS:
- millions of edits per day ✏️
- bots doing weird robot things 🤖
- trolls trying to break everything 💀
- people editing pages from 2005 that must NEVER break 🪦
So instead of being like:
hi user!! let me help u 🥺
it’s more like:
if you survive, you deserve to be here.
very gatekeep. very girlboss.
🧸 Chapter 4: The Syntax… oh no…[edit]
Normal software:
click button → thing happens ✨
MediaWiki:
{{Template|param1=value|param2={{#if:suffering|yes|no}}}}
You:
what does this mean 😭
MediaWiki:
interpret it spiritually 💫
🌀 Chapter 5: Infinite Power, Infinite Confusion[edit]
Here’s the cursed truth:
MediaWiki can do almost anything.
Like actually:
- dynamic layouts 🧱
- logic systems 🧠
- random image generators 🎲
- full-on scripting with Lua 🐍
But instead of one clean way…
there are 17 ways, and 14 of them are haunted 👻
So you end up like:
why does THIS template work but THIS one doesn’t??
Answer: ancient magic ✨ (and also whitespace. it’s always whitespace.)
💔 Chapter 6: Documentation (aka emotional damage)[edit]
You go read the docs.
They say:
simply use Scribunto.
simply.
S I M P L Y.
You don’t know what that is.
You click.
Now you’re reading about Lua environments and module exports like you accidentally enrolled in a computer science degree 🎓
🌙 Chapter 7: The Transformation Arc[edit]
Something changes.
You suffer enough.
You debug enough.
You stare at enough brackets.
And one day…
you write something like:
{{#if:{{{param|}}}|it works!!|it broke!!}}
and it actually works.
You sit there.
Quiet.
Powerful.
A little unhinged.
✨ Chapter 8: You become one of them[edit]
You start saying things like:
- oh yeah just use a module for that
- that’s a parser limitation
- did you purge the cache?
You used to be normal.
Now you’re… a MediaWiki user.
I’m sorry.
💞 Final Thoughts (tsundere edition)[edit]
MediaWiki is not friendly.
It is not cute.
It will not hold your hand.
But…
it lets you build absurd, powerful, ridiculous things that shouldn’t even be possible in a wiki.
And once you tame it?
You kind of love it.
Not in a healthy way.
But still.
Now go break something with triple braces again. That seems to be your natural habitat. 🫠